Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
