You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
