You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
