hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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