I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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