If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
