I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize