You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
