she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
