I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Sober January is a disaster.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
