I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
