I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
