it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
