im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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