Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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