WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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