its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
