whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
