Banned from zoo.
Again?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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