did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
where are my eyebrows?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
