I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
