This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
