I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
