Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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