Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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