Swine flu. Run for my life!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
