Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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