I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Say something about gay babies.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
