I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
