Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
