you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize