She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
