People with herpes should wear stickers.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry about my life...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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