i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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