So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
