Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
