If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Me too!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
