dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
