I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
