I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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