super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She told me I should be a condom model.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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