how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
