This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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