Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
