Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
