I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
