After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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