Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Randomize
