cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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