she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
