should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
