ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
