sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yo dont text me then not text me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
