I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
