its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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