@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
