did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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