sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
