I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize