It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
