So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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