i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize