The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
