I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
