Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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