And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
