I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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