a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
