dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
