I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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