you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
