You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
