you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize