We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
