I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
