She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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