go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize