So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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