Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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