I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
