Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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