You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
