Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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