ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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