Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am spending my child support on dildos
No stitches, just platelets and will power
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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