I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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