You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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