Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
