guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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