Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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