watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
