Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
