Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
