Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
