we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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