Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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