My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
