you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize