She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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