I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
