i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
