My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
