Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i need some magic done to my vagina
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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