I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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