my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
